I Am Not Sick I Don't Need Help!: How to Help Someone with Mental Illness Accept Treatment

Amador has put a name to something I never understood: anosognosia, a real medical condition, brain-based frontal lobe problem in which certain people cannot truly perceive their actual condition accurately. Thus some mentally ill people think they are thriving and just fine when they are in actuality, barely functioning, acting oddly or violently, being inappropriate in some manner, or are physically dirty etc. This can also happen after a brain injury such as after stroke or after serious head injury. That is why they often go off their meds on their own, they honestly think nothing is wrong. This book teaches the reader what anosognosia is and how loved ones or health care professionals can communicate and encourage a mentally ill person to stay on a treatment plan of medication and appointment keeping even when they think they are not truly in need of help. It teaches a communication technique related to something I learned in my professional career in customer service called "active listening". This is a non-judging way of talking. Regarding delusions you are taught a way to discuss them without saying you believe they are real. It also uses a goal setting method of making plans that lets the patient be in control of their future and realizing that to get to that goal they have more success while being compliant on the treatment plan. The overall plan also suggests using some of the new forms of medication which are old medications in a long-term injectable delivery system thereby eliminating the daily pill taking which is easier to not comply with. Another component of care recommended is the forced outpatient (day program) treatment that is now legal in 47 states. Sadly this was defeated in the state where my relative resides but I was able to use this method with success. Another important thing is that the patient have a family member they are working with the health care professionals with. I am angered and frustrated that our psychiatrists do not insist that such plans as well as psychiatric advance directives be written and also living wills and durable power of attorney arrangements made while the patient is most well and able to deal with these matters. Sadly too many people are left to be their own advocate and the family of the adult patient is shut out of the process. The ailing patient then sometimes dupes the doctor into thinking all is fantastic when in reality they are suffering or living in a sub-standard and non-thriving manner and living with dysfunction and disability. Lastly the author gives suggestions for when the patient is feeling well, how to work out the negative emotions that may exist between the loving relative that helped them be committed against their will etc. even when the outcome was positive and when it saved their life. This is the only book I know of right now to address agosognosia for the layperson and to explain a communication plan in an easy to understand manner. I found it easy to read and approachable and read it cover to cover. I rate this 5 stars = I Love It

This was a very helpful book. It answered a lot of questions I had and helped me to get to place where I am now able to speak to my loved one who suffers with schizophrenia. A must read if you're looking for answers.

In a desperate search to find someone or some thing to help me deal with a loved one I bought Dr. Amador’s book “I AM NOT SICK”. Not knowing what this was about, except for the reviews, I scrambled for some type of hope I could grab onto to help “save” myself and my family from hopelessness. This book was so much more than how to “deal” with the issue of mental illness, it’s about understanding and learning to communicate in a way that produces not just results, but a deeper love and bond with some one who has a mental illness. After reading this book, and within one day of putting into practice “LEAP” tools, I found that IT WORKED! BUT - it just didn’t work in “dealing” with the “other person” it worked for my own self! I was, and still am, much more at peace, calmer, more understanding and have a true desire to empathize with my loved family member more than I have ever been before. I wish I would have read this book years ago and learned these four simple tools. I have lost so much by not knowing how to communicate and be there for my family member, but all that has changed now. There is basically no more fear, arguing, power struggles, or trying to trick or threaten in order to get her to “listen, understand and comply.” In fact it is the other way around...I am the one listening, trying to understand and complying (Agree) with her! What a turn around! But God is faithful and I believe He gave Dr. Amador a profound word to share for those who have mentally ill loved ones. This is a MUST READ!

"I know you probably don't believe this, but I think people can hear what I'm thinking." (THOUGHT BROADCASTING) I will not freak out. I will not tell Middle Boy he is being paranoid. I will fight my urge to dismiss his fears as impossible. I will help him find his way through his fears... I will practice reflective listening. "Let me see if I understand what you're saying. You believe people can hear your thoughts." "Yes. People can hear my thoughts." "How do you feel about that?" "It upsets me! I don't want people to hear what I'm thinking." "I don't blame you. If I thought people were hearing my thoughts, I would be very upset. Thoughts are personal." "You think I'm crazy don't you? I know it sounds weird..." "Have I ever told you I think you are crazy?" "No." "Can we try something? Just an experiment to test your theory. I'd like you to think about something--anything you want. Think it as loud as you can and I'm going to see if I can hear you. Would that be all right?" (Admittedly, this is a gamble. If I accidentally hit on what he's thinking, it will reinforce his theory. I know I have to pick something very random and cross my fingers) "Are you thinking about it?" "Yes." "Okay. Are you thinking about a white kitty?" "No." "Are you thinking about crunchy tacos?" "No." "I'm sorry. I cannot hear your thoughts." (Visible relief is noted here) "Okay." "Did that help?" "Yes." "I know sometimes it feels as if others can hear what you are thinking; but I assure you, they can't. Thoughts are private. They stay inside your head. And they are just thoughts. They have no control over you. You control them. Does that make sense?" "Yes." ~*~ This conversation took place two weeks ago in my bathroom after school. I had just finished reading a copy of, "I'm Not Sick! And I Don't Need Help!", by Xavier Amador. When I first read the description of the book, I was hesitant to buy it. Middle Boy has always been placidly complaint with medication and therapy. We avoid terminology which might be considered abrasive to his ego: hallucination, psychosis, sick, mentally ill are all terms we shy away from unless it is a private conversation between the hubby and myself. We use terms like: voices, thoughts, stress, anxiety, offering an opportunity to 'make a connection' between reality and psychosis reality. But are we doing the right thing? I wasn't sure. And I definitely wasn't sure Dr. Amador's book could help; but I needed something to submerge myself into, so I gave it a go. So glad I did. So, so, so very glad. Although Middle Boy participates in his care, he does not see himself as being mentally ill. I can't say I blame him. I don't think I'm mentally ill. I talk to myself (out loud) all the time. Sometimes I even do it in public places. Of course, I know I'm talking to myself. Middle Boy has conversations with other people who aren't there. On one level or another, this has been his reality for eight years. It started small: footsteps in the house, wondering if he was hearing something, or how he'd handle it if he did hear something, until finally The Others were there, chatting away. Not everyone he hears is mean and scary. Some of them are comforting, interesting, friendly. To Middle Boy they are a natural phenomenon, completely organic. To call him crazy, delusional, or any other choice medical term would not only feel like a mean spirited assault, it might cause him to turn away from those who love him and want to help. That would be tragic. There are some with mental illness who readily accept the term 'mental illness'. They also tend to participate in all aspects of their care right off the bat. This acceptance often goes a long way toward helping them recover. This is usually considered to be good news (especially for their friends and loved ones) since the majority of the world operates under these guidelines and terms. Once an illness is identified and tackled under the pre-approved guidelines, everyone breathes a collective sigh of relief, "They know they need help. They are getting that help. Everything is going to be okay." It might. Or it might not. Sometimes people genuinely get it. Other times they fake it to get people off their back. If the participation in care comes from a place of understanding and belief it is going to be helpful, you have the best possible scenario. Sadly there is an equal, if not greater, number of people who have a mental illness but become alienated from any and all types of treatment. These people have some very common ground, the chief complaint being: "I'm not sick!" And honestly, if you're not sick, why on earth would you take a medication, particularly one with so many possible side effects? The answer is simple: You wouldn't. You might sit politely and listen. But if the topic of conversation was always about YOU and how completely screwed up you are...well I know that would get really old, really fast. Great...so what can you do? You can buy Dr. Amador's book and read it cover to cover. Trust me. If you've been where I've been and seen what I've seen, it will help you. Dr. Amador believes (as do I) that it isn't necessary for a person who needs help to first submit to the premise they are sick. They do not need to sit prostrate to the psychiatric definition of themselves. They can maintain their belief that it is not them, it's you...or him, or her, or a bad set of circumstances... The person with the illness can maintain these beliefs and still begin to recover. For caregivers, this premise (when used properly) can be the best news of your life, a life raft in the middle of turbulent waters. The best part is, it works! *Key Point: He also is very clear that you must be careful not to reinforce psychotic symptoms as being real, which isn't nearly as hard as one would think. But really, before you get too gun-ho on reflective listening, read the book.* The methods in this book are easy to understand and put into practice. The technique of reflective listening builds trust. It builds communication. It gives you some really unique insight and understanding. All in all, it is an invaluable tool which allows a supportive team to set up and help the person navigate the difficulties of life which might try to derail them. In the case of Middle Boy, it opened the door for communication, which in turn gave me greater insight into his thoughts. This one tiny incident (because it was handled properly) morphed into further conversation which showed an increase in auditory hallucinations. That conversation led to us writing out some key talking points to take to the psychiatrist, which led to a productive doctor visit, which led to some medication tweaks (his choice), which led to reduction in symptoms and better functioning... You get the idea. It doesn't really matter where you come in on this book. If your loved one is in recovery, or suffering from anosognosia--you will benefit from reading this material. I learned a ton. Consider it another tool you can add to your defense arsenal. One that actually delivers what it promises. Amen!

Having read many books on bipolar and schizophrenia as we have gone through 4 years of trying to figure out what is wrong with our son, I landed on this fine book, way too late. But, I am devouring every page now. The photo on the jacket of the book really hits' home. How many times my son has left home are more than I can count. I would watch him leave and walk away from home, backpack in hand. My son is diagnosed with bipolar disorder and has been in and out of treatment for 4 years. He is now in the hospital again, after having gone off of his medications, again, (and self medicating with marijuana and such) and close to having to do another stint at that state hospital. He is only 17, going on 18. I hope he reaches into adulthood. If he were to kill himself as he sometimes says he will do, having read this book and having tried everything within my power to help him, I will come out the other side with some solace for my heart. I know I am powerless to such a disease. Damn mental illness! It's as worse a curse as cancer. I would put down every book you might be reading right now, even from Fuller Torrey, and read this first. Underline and keep going back to the reasoning behind the authors suggestions. (Some of the ideas in the book are usable when dealing with troubled people and youth in general.) Best of luck. I have recommend this book to the therapist now working with my son. I will send one in the mail to his current psychiatrist who could use this for her practice. She is not connecting with my son and it's causing very slow movement in his progress. I so appreciate the author updating the book as time goes on! Hugs to you and all.

It was a good read

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for writing this book. Within hours of beginning to use the methods shared in this book, I was able to cultivate dramatic improvements in my relationship with my undiagnosed and untreated brother. We've been trying to get him help for almost a decade but have been completely unsuccessful. Over time, his delusions and paranoia have evolved past the government and now include family members, ex-girlfriends, roommates, etc. Throughout the years, I was one of the only people he would always trust. Eventually, as the disease progressed, he stopped trusting me too and wouldn't talk to me. It also doesn't help that I'm a nurse which has really played into some of his delusions. I finally convinced him to have dinner at my home to celebrate our dad's birthday a couple weeks ago and he accused me of poisoning him. My entire family has been devastated trying to get him help. The police are often called to his home by his roommates or the neighbors but so far he never qualifies for a 72-hour hold. He's been fired from every job. He's lost custody and any contact with his son. He's been homeless in the past and is currently facing homelessness again within the next week. He's beginning not to trust or talk to any of his family or friends. When we do finally make contact it erupts into him becoming explosively angry and it is terrifying for everyone involved. My entire family is at a loss and we're all struggling on burnout after years of stress on how to help my brother. We all fear for that call. We all fear losing contact with him completely if he becomes homeless again. I began reading the book last night. Today, my brother began texting me and sharing some delusions. When I tried to get him to talk about the delusion he didn't want to share more and it was clear he didn't trust me. I frantically grabbed the book, flipped through, and did my best to use the methods outlined in the book. Apologizing for my past behavior and offering to listen without giving advice worked! He began opening up to me again and went deeper into sharing. I then used reflective listening as best as I could and offered empathy and again, it worked. He felt heard. The conversation ended rather abruptly after that and I wasn't sure what to think of that but gave him space. A couple hours later he called me from the emergency room to say he'd been hit by a car as a pedestrian. Thankfully he's fine, just sore, with no broken bones. "You were the first person I thought to call," he said, which made me cry and also gave me an instant awareness of how pivotal it is to maintain a trusting relationship. Unfortunately, he was released by the ER before he called me. When I called the ER to explain the situation in hope of obtaining a 72 hour hold to stabilize him they wouldn't return my call (no surprise, hipaa). Regardles, this book has already proven to be invaluable in learning how to rebuild a relationship with my brother that will hopefully lead to a partnership that helps him stabilize and stay safe. Tonight, the interaction with my brother ended with him telling me he loved me and how much he appreciated my help and understanding. That alone, is worth the book. My greatest fear is losing my brother and having our last moments be of us fighting and him believing that his family does not love, care about, or understand him. This book has already allowed me to make sure that will never happen.

I wish I had read this book years ago. It’s so informative and teaches you how to deal with someone one who is mentally ill. The conversation tips would have helped so much. As it is, I read it too late. My son and I aren’t even talking anymore. If we ever do, I’m going to use everything I learned in this book to try to maintain a relationship with him. I did the complete opposite of most of the things it says. Read it now, before it’s too late.

This is an important book for families of people with a mental illness. Especially useful is the research that one in every two people suffering schizophrenia does not fully understand that they have a mental illness. Even more significant is the finding that this symptom is caused by damage to the very part of the brain which is responsible for the illness itself. This is an astonishing fact that should concentrate our attitude to this terrible illness and the way we perceive those who suffer from it. People with schizophrenia may not be in ‘denial’ after all. An astute approach from psychologists et al could bring hope that people might be led gently towards medication and a lessening of their symptoms? Governments please take note!

Ce livre m'a beaucoup aidée , très interessant il a complètement modifié ma façon d'aborder les relations avec mon fils ..

A clear guide for friends, family and care givers in listening to, and establishing trust with mentally ill individuals. Also great for parents of teenagers and young adults. Helpful in decreasing anger and avoidance in difficult relationships.

This is possibly the most helpful book I've ever bought. Without going into too much personal detail, I will say that I was facing a situation very similar to the author's. Reading this book completely changed my view of the situation and really helped me and the family take a different approach. Very highly recommended and possibly the best money you could spend!

Leer este libro me ha ayudado enormemente a cambiar mi forma de comunicarme con la persona que amo, es una excelente herramienta para entender como se siente y cual es la mejor manera de acompañarla.