Mating in Captivity: A Memoir

I couldn't put it down. Helen Zuman sheds a light into a fathomless darkness, exposing evil at its' most human. I hope she keeps writing, her style is highly visually appealing and her voice is pure. The collapse of this cult was one of the best examples of what people can do individually to overcome hordes of brainwashed monsters.

I enjoyed this story, although I ended up quite annoyed by the character/author. She doesn't manage to tell us much about herself at the beginning, and it takes a while to learn what she is like, which we do from what other characters say to her and from her actions towards others. She is criticized many times by others as being competitive in a bad way, but she never seems to see this flaw in herself and instead celebrates that she got the best grades on tests in high school - who cares? She seems selfish, clueless, and not capable of making good decisions. She is obsessed by sex, but repeatedly discards budding sexual relationships or undermines them through outrageous self-centeredness and horniness. She thinks she's so smart, but ends up bumbling from one aimless activity to another, often through dangerous and risky behavior like solo hitch-hiking or hiking and traveling by herself. I found myself NOT so concerned with the oppressive and mind-controlling politics of the commune/cult, which I think is what the book is supposed to be about, and much more concerned with just what dumbo mistake this young woman was going to make next. I was very happy that she ended up married to a lovely man, and I guess she just finally GREW UP. I found the language lively and compelling, if at times a bit contrived. Sometimes I thought the imagery and writing were great, and other times, I sighed to read "His eyes twinkled with mischief" or similar, yet again. Once or twice the writing was too obscure and I couldn't make sense of what she was talking about. The other characters, meaning most of the people in the cult or her family, or people she met up with outside of the cult, mushed together a bit. I didn't feel that most of them came alive distinct from each other. Yet another earnest young man that she does or doesn't sleep with, and then dumps, kind of. As a writer, she gave us plenty of conversations, meaning he said, then she said, with quotes around the words. I found these not to be that well done - everybody sounded the same and talked the same way. The author missed opportunities to bring the characters more alive through additional crafting of the conversations. I loved it that she was so frank about how she learned about sex and I thought she did a wonderful job writing about sex and relationships. She comes across as being rather mechanistic about sex, rather than romantic, which I think is great. She has a few horrific experiences involving sexual assault and wonders if she brought them on herself, and I do too, sort of, wonder the same thing. Where are her self-protection instincts? Doesn't she know that the world is full of predators - every girl knows this. She arranges for a truly nasty fake-rape setup that seems super unfair to the man involved, and I was glad that she tells us that she apologized to him years later. This episode was very well described and quite moving and compelling. I know that memoir is only meant to tell the story of part of your life, but I found it odd that she went to Harvard and tell us almost nothing about her time there. Surely that would be an important time in your life? She took a year off during college, so this was a five year span. During this time we are to believe that she had no romantic relationships. How can this be? She isn't ugly and in fact is good looking in an intense sort of way - how can such a horny young woman spend five years without dating anybody? This makes me distrust her voice a little bit, because I have a big question about what she was up to and what she was like during those five, supposedly formative years. Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this book. The author is obviously serious-minded about her craft and she put in a lot of effort to write a book that told her story well, namely the story of an annoying, clueless and horny young woman trying to find happiness and repeatedly escaping danger and disaster. I didn't think this book had much new to say about living in a commune that was actually a cult, but it did tell that story well also.

I found this book to be both interesting and yet disturbing. I appreciate the author's raw honesty about her life in the cult. She gives no excuses for how she was pulled in but simply recounts her experiences. It is a fascinating look at how easily people can be graduadually manipulated and controlled by ovwrbearing personalities.

Helen Zuman is an example of someone you would think was “too smart” to join a cult. Her story illustrates how recruitment is aimed at those who are at a crossroads in life, trying to find themselves, hoping to grow. The author graduated from a prestigious NYC Catholic school and then Harvard. She wanted to study intentional communities. What she found was a group that declared it was all about honesty but held back some damaging truths from new members. I enjoyed Helen’s writing style and observations about vulnerability, relationships, and forgiveness.

Anyone who has ever considered communal life should read this. Zendik Farm had a far, national reach. We read their interesting zines repeatedly as teenagers in the 90's. Helen has lived out the experience and used her impressive writing skills to bring her story to others in a relatable way. I couldn't put the book down and cheered for her every rebellion. She comes across as level-headed, strong, and intelligent. I can't thank her enough for sharing her reality in this parallel universe.

First I’d like to say right up front that I am a former Zendik. I lived at Zendik Farm Commune as a Zendik from early 1986 until my departure in early 1990. Among the Zendiks I was called Kezo. The author, Helen Zuman, and I have never met. Her time among the Zendiks occurred many years after I’d moved on. I love Helen Zuman for writing this book! Many, many people have lived among the Zendiks over the 30 plus years The Farm existed. Some stayed only the briefest time, and others stayed for decades. Some left Zendik Farm emotionally destroyed, and others left with mostly happy memories. As far as I know, very few have written about their time spent living at Zendik Farm, and I doubt any will ever write a more honest, unflinching account than Zuman has. Helen’s book is essential reading for anyone who ever lived at Zendik, for everyone who ever had dealings with the Zendiks, and perhaps even for those who have heard of the Zendiks. The account you’ll read in this book of what Zendik Farm was really like is dramatically different from my own experience of Zendik Farm. I know beyond a shadow of doubt that there was real genius in Wulf Zendik’s philosophical teachings. (Wulf Zendik established and ruled Zendik Farm until the decline of his health and his eventual death in June 1999, before Helen Zuman’s arrival.) I moved to Zendik on my twenty-first birthday in 1986, and I know absolutely that Wulf’s teachings and guidance set my entire life on a course for happiness, self-determination, and success. I will always love Wulf for that. In the pages of Helen Zuman’s book, “Mating in Captivity”, you’ll read of an entirely different kind of experience. This book is a page turner! I could not put it down. The author has a finely tuned sense of rhythm and a keen feel for language that puts the reader right in the middle of her story. The raw honesty with which the author spins her tale of shame and fear (her own and others), of sexual awakening and of a young life interrupted, invokes in spirit and vibrant energy the likes of Henry Miller (author of “Tropic of Cancer”), William S. Burroughs (author of “Naked Lunch”), and Henry Bukowski (author of “Ham on Rye” and “Factotum”). To be fair, I will not be recommending this book to family and friends, even though I very much enjoyed reading Helen’s stories from first to last. I will not recommend this book to loved ones because Helen Zuman’s account of Zendik Farm left me feeling ashamed of my time as a Zendik in a way I have never felt ashamed of those years before. That said, any book that makes us think and feel is an important book worth reading. For anyone who does not personally know me, you must read this book!

I really struggled to get through this book because details were provided where they weren’t necessarily needed, and the need for details that would illicit a meaningful emotional response or connection from the reader were lacking. Respecting the experiences of the author, the narrative itself fails to obtain the type of emotional involvement that the overall subject matter deserves. Additionally, connecting with the author (protagonist) was nearly impossible, and without that connection, this collection of stories that offered a disjointed view into a brief portion of the life of a former cult member, was more of a chore than an insightful and revealing tale. Even the title is misleading in this “connection the dots” tale of characters most will not relate with, surreal yet dull surroundings, and the combination of an unappealing tone and no desire for additional content. The willingness of the author to share is commendable, the opportunity here to be more than a collection of cult stories that barely spark interest from the reader.

Helen Zuman moved to Zendik Farm in 1999. Helen was a Harvard graduate. I didn’t think this book had much new to say about living in a commune that was actually a cult. but if you want to learn more about Zendik Farm then this book will suffice. Helen tells about periods within the cult and about the people who have lived among the Zendiks over the 30 years. Some stayed only the briefest of time, and others stayed for decades. Some left Zendik Farm emotionally destroyed, and others left with some happy memories, as Helen meets up with a few after she leaves. it was great that Helen was frank about how she learned about sex. this is an honest book. I received an advance review copy for free from BookSirens, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.